Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize