Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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