I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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