She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
