i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
