Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
