I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
