i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
