Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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