I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
