You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
