You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
