nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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