Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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