Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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