The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
