Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
