I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
