it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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