Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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