Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
