I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
