On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
