3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
