We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
