You're earring is so big in my mouth
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
