You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize