ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
