Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
