i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
