Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize