I'm lost and stupid without you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
