sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
