I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
