it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
