Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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