Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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