the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
