i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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