I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
