**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
