I wish I only lived at night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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