Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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