You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
