i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
