We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
