Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
