Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
