I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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