Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
