I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
