i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
