No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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