i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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