so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
