Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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