Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
