she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
