Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
