I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
