how can u be prego again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
