If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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