We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
