Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Terrible idea I love it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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