one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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