Hey man sorry I got all grabby
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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